Romantic Relationships: Can You Travel Together AND Stay Together?

The first time I ever went on vacation with a boyfriend we couldn’t even agree on a destination. We had settled on Italy, but I wanted south and he wanted north, and that wasn’t a war I won. I had a hard time getting my way at just about every turn. Mike got it in his head that Naples was dangerous, which was not only lame, but insulting. My family was from there and I had visited the city many times. Sure, Naples has street crime and the cab drivers say inappropriate things. But Vesuvius hasn’t erupted since 79 A.D., and in that volcano’s shadow is some of the best pizza on the planet. My boyfriend, a Detroit native and 15-year resident of New York City, was afraid of a little Italian city on the Mediterranean, and there was nothing I could do to dissuade him. I tried. I bought books, I had him talk to other people who had been there and loved it. But he refused to venture below Rome, so we started there and made our way up the peninsula. I even had to beg him to go to Florence , because his father told him that parking was difficult in the city of Dante. I fought that battle harder and found us a hotel with a garage. He thanked me for it because Florence is, of course, spectacular. But Naples would have been an impossibility for him. It’s a good thing that relationship ended – I hope he and my replacement are enjoying a Carnival Cruise together right now. Traveling with your boyfriend is sort of like reality TV – call it compatibility survivor. You have to spend a solid block of time together to see if you can stand each other, while fate and the TSA throw all kinds of crazy obstacles in your path. So much is out of your control when you travel – flights are delayed, your hotel room doesn’t look like the website photos, restaurants can be disappointing, and little derelict children are lurking around the Coliseum – and one seems to be heading in the direction of your handbag. It’s good to know how your significant other adapts to being a stranger in a strange land; this is critical information to have if you plan to be in it for the long haul. The future is stranger than Naples in the thick of a trash crisis, and when problems arise, the two of you probably won’t be looking at them from the balcony of the Excelsior. Mike’s wrongness for me was apparent before we even left the ground. Yet we went on a few more trips together, including an excursion to Florida where we changed hotels three times because Mike wasn’t satisfied with the room décor in the first two. I was his accomplice – always ready to drag my suitcase down Collins Avenue, never resting until we could find a hotel room that was just right to contain a couple that was all wrong. Next week I’m going on my first vacation with a new boyfriend who I suspect is less sensitive to scooter noise and brightly patterned suzanis. I don’t know what lessons from my past experience I can take along with me this time. I don’t suspect I’ll see anything like Mike’s fear and stubbornness again, and I hope you never have to endure a similar drag. I do have some ideas about where we may clash. I sleep late, he sleeps even later; I like to walk everywhere, he is less energetic. I cannot change him, I can only work on how I react to our differences. Can I take that bike ride solo when he’s too tired, or visit that museum on my own if he’s not interested?  This is more akin to reality, anyway. We’re not pinned to each others’ sides in our home life, so why should things be any different on the road? After all, we need to put our “survivor” skills to the test sometime. Travel is a great opportunity to get to know him, but it also gives us a chance to get to know ourselves. Hopefully we’ll come out of it liking everyone better. Giulia Melucci is the author of I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti . Post from: BlissTree Romantic Relationships: Can You Travel Together AND Stay Together?

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Romantic Relationships: Can You Travel Together AND Stay Together?